A healthy relationship is one where two independent people just make a deal that they will help make the other person the best version of themselves.
An expertly done three point turn
Weren’t expecting that house
#our house #in the middle of the street
So, while trying to think of a story to send to Shane for kicks and giggles, this little story came out. o_oU
Once upon a time there was a snail. This snail was brightly colored and her name was Sarah. Sarah was sliming her way across the front porch when a large, black, wet nose snuffled at her followed by a growl. She hid inside her rainbow shell and said, “don’t eat me! I’m too pretty to die!”
The dog sat back on its haunches and growled again. “you look pretty plain to me,” he said. Dogs are colorblind and he couldn’t see how pretty she was.
Sarah poked an antenna out of her shell and squeaked up at him, “just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.” And with that, she set off across the porch.
The dog snuffled and growled at her again, but let her go and padded away.
So after all of it, the middle school length relationship and crying myself to sleep again, I’m deciding to be okay. I have good friends whom I love. I have a good family who wants to be there to support me, even if we don’t communicate that well to each other. I will graduate in just over a month if I can pass all of my classes and do well. I am smart, attractive, and brave. I chose not to hide who I am, and I was genuine and accepted. I make beautiful art, and I don’t feel a deep-seated need to throw myself off the top of the parking garage anymore. Yeah, being broken up with really sucks, and being single again is NOT what I wanted, but I’m still me and “me” is still good enough on her lonesome. :)
they’re so adorable!
was voldemort a virgin
Imagine being the chick to do the frick frack with the Dark Lord Voldy.
TUMBLR DOT COM: WHERE WE CAN DISCUSS HAVING SEX WITH VOLDEMORT BUT WE CAN’T ACTUALLY SAY THE WORD SEX
doing the do with you know who
man, even voldemort has gotten more action that I have. LAWL.
#same song second verse
- Me: So what's up, Shane?
- Shane: So I need to say some things. I don't think you'll like it very much, but I don't want to lie to you or hold the truth.
- Me: Okay. Tell me the things.
- Shane: I think we need to stop dating for now. Things that I am dealing with atm are worse than I previously thought. I don't want to drag you through it with me, and I think they are some things that I need to deal with alone. You deserve better than that. I don't want you to think that this is at all because of you. It's not. You are amazing! And I don't want you to doubt that. You deserve someone great....but I can't be that person right now. Maybe one day, if I can get through these things, and you'd give me another chance, we can try again. And I really want to stay close friends still...if you'll allow me to
- Me: So... Just to be clear, you're breaking up with me for personal reasons that you'd rather not shar right now, and hope that we can try again another time?
- Shane: I'm sorry for saying all this over text, but I wouldn't be able to speak most of it...I am being cowardly, but I feel like it's better to be a coward early and deal with this than do so later. Yes.
- Me: Okay. What do you want me to do with your sweater?
- Shane: You can keep it if you want...I'd like to hang out every now and then still though...
- Me: ... You live half way across the state, Shane...
- Shane: I'll take that as a no...would it be better if I just stopped bother you all together?
- Me: But I understand that you need to take care of you. Please don't feel like you're bothering me, you're not. I'm just hurt right now; I'll be alright. And never having hung out with you without a certain level of physical contact, it'll be very strange and awkward to hang out with you and not have that level of physical contact. So... I'm not really sure where to go from here. Since you're the one pulling away, I'll let you set the pace for our interactions now. I'm sorry if I pushed too hard...
- Shane: I'm sorry...but I know it would be much worse for you to tay together...Do you want to me give you some time?
- Me: I wish I knew what was going on so I could make that decision for myself.
- Shane: You didn't push too hard. It was nothing you did. Like I said, you are amazing. I just won't pull you down with me....I suppose we can talk like normal whenever still. We did have a lot of conversations.
- Me: Yeah, but now there's a huge white elephant that I know you're not sharing with me specifically because you think it'll bring me down. You don't have to share it with me, I'm just not sure what to do now. So if you want to talk, I'll let you lead. I really don't know what to do right now. Thank you for the sweater though. I hope it wasn't your favorite.
- Shane: They are just things from the pat that I can't get over. If you're uncomfortable speaking to me still, I understand. I want to talk to you still, but you know I'm horrible at leading...
- Me: ... Look, you're the one pushing me away, telling me that we can't be as close as we were trying to be. So you need to be the one to tell me where those boundaries are. I can't set them fore you. I would be there for you if you would let me, but that's your decision, and I'm not going to make it for you. If you want to talk, then talk to me. If you don't, the don't
- Shane: If you hit any boundaries, I'd tell you. I wouldn't be upset at all because you don't know them or something. I understand though.
- Me: I don't think you do understand though. Do you know just how vulnerable I've been with you? Wen I said that I hadn't done that in a very long time, I meant that the last time I was that physical with someone was four years ago and that was after months of dating. And I haven't hidden the parts of my personality from you that I often feel ashamed of, things that I don't usually share with people at all... So I just don't really know what to do now. You need to figure it out, because I can't.
- Shane: I still want to be here for you on all of those parts. You shouldn't feel ashamed for anything You shared, there's no reason to feel ashamed for any of it. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm sorry for betraying your trust like this...
- Me: What do you mean you still want to be there for me? You just don't want me to be there for you? I don't understand.
- Shane: yea, that's essentially the thing I just realized I said, which sounds stupid. If you want to be there for me, there's still some things I'll talk about with you.
- Me: That's up to you. I've wanted to be here for you, but I'm not about to force you to trust me and share with me. I hope that everything goes well for you and that you are able to heal from whatever you're dealing with. Don't be a stranger, okay?
- Shane: I trust you, Holly. There's just some things I have to Deal with on my own. I hope to still bug you every day
- Me: You can do as you like, Shane...
- Shane: *sigh* I'm sorry...
- Me: You don't need to be sorry for taking care of yourself. I just wish I had known before I spent the night with you...
- Shane: I should have been smart enough to see this before I started dating anyone. I just had no good reasons to come to terms with it. Truthfully, you gave me a reason I think, or at the very least you made me look at it/myself.
- Me: Okay... Well, I'm glad something good came out of it at least. :)
- Shane: I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to be hurt with it...
- Me: It's not about deserve or don't deserve. It is what it is... I just hope that everything works out for you and I'm here if you need me....
- Me: How you doin'...? Can I still ask that?
- Me: Alright, I'm going to assume that you're not ignoring me, and that you're busy. But I want to give you a piece of my mind. You can take it however you want, and be angry, afraid, elated, acquiescent, however you want. But I want you to hear it, and decide for yourself. I know that I'll regret it if I don't say it, so please hear me out, and then tell me what you think. If you agree to hear me out, tell me okay.
- Shane: Okay. Sorry, I was in an area of the building with no signal doing bulletin board. And yes, you can still ask that lol.
- Me: Okay well, here goes. I want you to share with me, and tell me what's going on. I think we can make it work and that we can support each other through it, however, we won't know that unless you share with me. It would take a whole lot of bravery on your part to take that rid. But if you choose not to share this with me, but want to make it work with me later, this is establishing a bad precedent for how we deal with our problems. So that's all I wanted to say. But I'm glad I said it.
- Shane: So basically share now or don't bother because it'll set up a bd model? (Not annoyed, just clarifying)
- Me: I'm not meaning to give you an ultimatum. :/ and I'm not saying don't bother later... I'm just saying that I don't want you to throw in the towel before you really give it a shot. So that's all I wanted to say. You can take it, and do with it whatever you would like... But I didn't want to let you go without at least telling you how I feel about it.
- Shane: I appreciate it, but I can't. Some things are first needed to go through by the individual. And you don't have to be cautious about how you talk to me. You can ask or say whatever you want still
- Me: I don't have anything else to say....
- Shane: I mean in general since you asked earlier if you can still ask how I am
- Me: Right.
- Shane: ...how are you?
- Me: I'm sad... /shrug. That's how it's gonna be for now.
- Shane: Can I do anything to help atm?
- Me: No. There's nothing to do but wait it out.
- Shane: Ok
- Me: I think I'm going to take another break from dating again though. I can't do this again for a while; it hurts too much.
- Shane: I'm sorry...
- Me: You don't need to be sorry. I chose, and now I live with the consequences. I regret nothing.
- Shane: Yea, but it doesn't change the fact that I am the cause of the consequences
- Me: Yes, but that's your choice, and I can't make it for you and I can't ask you any more than I have to reconsider, so now I just get to be sad for a while and try to get over it. So... I guess text me when you want, if you want. I'll stop bothering you now.
- Shane: You don't bother me. You can text all you want
- Me: I don't think you get it. I don't know what to say now. Do you want me to text you like nothing is different? Because then I don't get it. What do you want, Shane? Help me.
- Shane: We still talked like friend, didn't we? The only thing really different is the personal affection
- Me: I didn't talk to you like just a friend, because I don't text my friends for hours on end. In fact, the only reason I really text my friends is to coordinate meeting times or tell them that I got home safely. And you can't say it's just the personal affection because clearly there are topics that are off limits and I don't even know what they are with the exception of ********. So.. I don't know what you want from me.
- Shane: Oh...do you have many long distance friends?
- Me: I used to. But I haven't in years. No... The longest distance friend I have is Lauren in [city an hour away], but she visits her parents in [city 20 minutes away] a lot so I can see her then. Other than that, she calls me occasionally and we talk... I very seldom text for any type of real conversation. I have no template for what I think you're trying to ask of me.
- Shane: I'll tell you if I don't want to talk about something. Otherwise, it's fine. Can you try something new then?
- Me: I can if you will lead; I can't. I tried initiating and look where that got me. If you want to be friends, I'm willing to try it, but this is your show. If you want it to happen, you have to make it happen.
- Shane: Okay.
- Me: Okay then. But please understand that I will be actively working to move on. If you don't want this, I'm going to try to move past it.
- Shane: I understand. I'd rather you find a good relationship and happiness.
- Me: Thanks. I guess I'll put your sweatshirt on top of the pile of things I've borrowed that need to be returned and give it back the next time I see you.
- Shane: Ok.
- Me: I think it would be best for me if we say goodnight now and don't talk until tomorrow assuming you want to talk then.
- Shane: Okay. Sleep well. I will if you do
- Me: Don't try to guilt me into saying that I'll sleep well to assuage your own pain, okay? I will sleep how I sleep. I do hope you sleep well too. /sigh. I'm sorry, Shane. This is why I didn't think continuing to talk right now is a good idea, because I just realized that I misunderstood what you were trying to say and reacted out of anger. U_U
- Shane: That wasn't what I was doing...I didn't mean it like that at all...I'm going to feel guilty regardless...
- Me: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Good night. Please do try to sleep well and I'll talk to you tomorrow...
- Shane: It's okay. Don't worry either, I would no think of holding that against you. It's more than understandable, and I am not upset because of it. Good night. I'm here if you need anything.
- Me: Thank you for understanding. The very last thing I ever want to do is react in anger.
- Shane: It's okay. I told you that you couldn't scare me away. at the very least, I can be here for you.
- Me: Good night, Shane.
no one should scroll past this
If you scroll past this i have no respect for you.
it has now been five days of spending all hours with Ryan, and I have received precisely one kiss. It was last night, as I was walking out the door, trying not to stare at him expectantly like I usually do, so I kissed him on the cheek, and he leaned in to kiss me on the forehead, and I wasn’t sure what he wanted, and he kissed me ever so briefly on the mouth, and then I spun on my heel, and got the fuck out. No such luck tonight.
I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to respect his wishes, but it’s making me very unhappy in the process. I don’t like our dynamic. I don’t like our interaction, because I feel like he only wants to be friends, but he wants me to be exclusively friends… so we’re dating, but we’re not being intimate in any sense of the word.. I’m not really understanding what, in his mind, distinguishes our relationship from any other.
I just want him to want me, you know? Is that too terribly much to ask? I even complained to my mother about it. What do I even do?
do you ever just think about someone and immediately get really happy because their mere existence is a source of joy to you
all the time, my dear, all the time.
this shirt would fit if it weren’t for boobs: a tragedy
that shirt would fit if i had boobs: the sequel
this shirt fits perfectly because my boobs are the right size: the fanfiction
my shirts always fit: a man’s tale
why can’t I just be shirtless?: a tale of social injustice
Where did my shirt go?: the morning after
this. this is what I want. right here. always. to be ridiculously and hopelessly smitten with one another. is that so much to ask?
I think about sex and life. About conversations that have happened and ones that haven’t. I think about the places that I wish I was at in life. And I think about the people whom I wish I was with right at that moment.
Art creds to: liquidsouldesign on deviantart
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